#Which ironically is more of the theme of Camus' stranger
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jidem · 1 year ago
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Me trying to see the kafka reference in gregor backstory like : man o really wish i read the book in another language than german and also that it wasnt three years ago
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fanfictionlive · 3 years ago
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Reflections on ending a longfic
I can do it as a long one-shot, I said, wilfully ignorant. I can say what I want to say in one fic, went the refrain, the clown make-up already manifesting on my face unbeknownst to me. Anyway now it's a series in the Final Fantasy VII universe that's likely to be occupying my time and brain for the foreseeable future. It's about rarepairs and anarchism. Even now I'm still trying to kill the self-deprecating voice in my head that scoffs at me for talking about themes and ideas, and for being the kind of person who unironically quotes a Camus essay at the beginning of their Vincent Valentine fanfiction. But as another renowned philosopher by the name of Dolly Parton once said, you have to find out who you are and do it on purpose, and I'm trying.
I'm very stubborn about not chasing numbers or allowing strangers to have a say in whether I feel good about my work and myself or not. To that end, my assessment for a project's success goes something like this: was I challenged as a writer, did I learn a few things about the world and myself along the way, and did I enjoy it?
I know there will most likely be parts of this story I hate in a few months when I've levelled up again because I went a little further than I was really capable of going, but even if I haven't quite hit every note I aimed for, I'm proud of it. I'me a more fluid and adaptive storyteller for having found ways to iron out some of the issues that emerged in the transition from a one and done to part of a series. I love the narrative flow and the way this deeply traumatised character drifts in and out of his own memories and into his bleak projections about his future; there's a lot of characterisation through the way these thoughts are triggered and link together, and several readers assured me that I balanced immersive confusion with lucidity very well. I think I nailed the way a self-flagellating mindset will twist even good memories against you and throw them into the barrage of regrets you have during a spiral. There's imagery and phrasing in here that I think is very creative and evocative and I had fun letting myself get a little purple.
Sometimes the politics are overt, but I'm most pleased with the way I let those themes play out through the characters' growth and their dynamics. I wanted my readers to have no choice but to imagine a good future for themselves and the world, because I think we need all the positive, radical visions for the next few years that we can get right now. Best of all, perhaps, is the way working on this has challenged me on a lot of my own positions and assumptions, and exposed some residual reactionary tendencies I didn't know I was hanging onto (asking if characters were "gwtting off too lightly" when restorative justice is a big theme).
I look at so much political discourse, especially online, and I see so many people who don't even grasp what the terms “left-wing” and “right-wing” mean using the name of one tendency or another as insults. Something's amiss when I, a full-blown anarchist, can be viewed by many as existing within the same sphere as those whose ambition amounts to diversifying class oppression – and I'm sure they're not happy about being lumped in with lunatics like me, either. But when I can't use those terms because the world I write in doesn't have the same history, when I can't talk about anarchism or communism or capitalism or liberalism directly, I'm required to create a new language. One that presents problems and potential solutions rather than labels with which to bludgeon or segregate one another. The knowledge of how to do that is the most helpful thing I can take with me into the real world activism I hope to do once it's safe again.
It wouldn't do to reflect on this story's process without acknowledging how helpful joining this sub proved to be. I can honestly say that this is the nicest little corner of the internet I've ever had the pleasure of participating in, reminiscent of interest-specific forums back in the day. Many of you will have probably seen me around, and some of you have left such lovely comments on excerpts I've posted. It helped a lot on the days my confidence wavered. Feels pretty good to look back on the total of 150k words I cranked out since last June and be mostly pleased with them.
What about those of you reading this? How did finishing up a long story feel for you, and what's the biggest lesson you've learned along the way?
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lekharjaga · 4 years ago
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Don’t stand so close to me
Young teacher, the subject Of schoolgirl fantasy She wants him so badly Knows what she wants to be
Okay so Professor Montgomery wasn’t the youngest teacher in the school. There was Professor Jefferson who was 29, and Professor Lysterfield at 27. But Professor Montgomery is the one Kiara had her eyes on. He was her English teacher, and at the ripe age of 16, Kiara found herself very much infatuated with her 32 year old English professor.
Professor Montgomery stood tall at 6’2” and had light golden hair which mostly sat at an organised tousle, something which did not fit the character of the rest of the professors, who kept their hair neat and combed. His piercing grey eyes did nothing to quell Kiara’s desires for him when he put her on the spot during class to contribute her interpretations of Albert Camus’ ‘The Plague’. She would get flustered, but respond with a steady, unwavering voice, something which Professor Montgomery always noted in her feedback reports. “Ms Silverwood has an unfaltering understanding of all texts prescribed to her and provides sound justification behind her ideas.” She kept these tidbits of compliments professor Montgomery would pepper her essays with as fuel for her infatuation.
Kiara didn’t hide her desires from any of the other girls in her same-sex boarding school, especially not her closest knit of friends. They all knew exactly what was on her mind – and jokingly chastised her for trying to ruin a professor’s reputation. Not that she tried to look particularly sexy in front of the Professor, her school skirt was never hitched up, but instead down to where her finger-tips touched her thighs when stood upright. Her tie was loosely done up, her first button undone like all other students. Her dark hair was always tied in a modest ponytail or kept secure by a headband. She never wore makeup, and overall did nothing to stand out, physically.
Where she played her game was during class. Her friends would smirk as Professor Montgomery would pick on Kiara to answer questions, and she’d prattle off her answers, looking him directly in the eyes, but her fluster evident. No one could tell if Professor Montgomery picked up on her blush, for he would simply nod and move on. All the other girls would cackle at how red she had gotten. But no one would know how she burned on the inside, and the moisture seeping into her panties for the rest of the day, until she managed to touch herself in the shower, imagining Professor Montgomery bending her over the desk to give her what she wanted. Which was his cock, within her tight, virgin pussy.
Yes, unlike some of the other girls in her year level, Kiara was a virgin. Some girls had managed to lose it to students in their brother school, but for all intents and purposes, Kiara was a smart, studious girl, and had never even thought to consider having sex with one of those boys. She’d kissed 2 or 3 boys during parties held by the schools, but never anything further. The only cocks Kiara had seen were from sex education, and only knowledge of sexual deviancy she knew were from her fellow classmates’ sexual endeavours. Her desire for Professor Montgomery mainly stemmed from the time their class covered ‘Lolita’ (how ironic), and Professor Montgomery had strongly emphasised what Nabakov had intended with the book.
“Nabakov’s writing of Humbert evokes a sense of empathy and manages to fool his audience into believing that Humbert really did love Lolita, that he was a caring, romantic soul. But this is the genius of Nabakov – he has completely captured the mental manipulation a paedophile observes to justify any cruel crime as forgivable.”
Professor Montgomery’s eyes had been scanning around the room, and at the last sentence his eyes connected directly with Kiara’s. And in those eyes Kiara thought she saw something flit across, almost like a small flame ignited then immediately fused. And thus, the fire in the pit of her belly ignited. What had his look meant? It was as though he was trying to convince himself of this interpretation of Nabakov’s work just as much as he was trying to convince everyone else.
Kiara had put her hand up. “But Professor, couldn’t it be argued that Nabakov might have also been trying to quench his own desires within this writing and placed himself in Humbert’s shoes? The eroticism in the descriptions of Lolita by Humbert seems almost too personal for me to believe Nabakov was spurring a cautionary tale.” All the other girls had stared at her. And it was then she saw it again in Professor Montgomery’s eyes. The hint of fire, and the smallest of smiles, something in his eyes which made her feel as though her heart was at her throat.
“Possibly you may be right. Why don’t you write me your essay on that perspective?” he inquired.
So, she slaved nights away perfecting the essay for Professor Montgomery. All her friends didn’t understand why she was so committed to make it the perfect argument. But it was for her – she wanted to let Professor Montgomery know that it was okay if he felt the way he did, that she was for his taking, should he ever want her. She tried to paint Lolita in a consensual light, in that surely Lolita was old enough to understand the consequences of her seduction, and not everything could be pinned to Humbert’s manipulation. She had submitted her essay to Professor Montgomery with a shaky hand, and as she had seen her mark on that essay, and every essay since, it had been very close to perfection. The one comment on her essay he left was “Valid points. Well argued.” And that was what planted the seed in Kiara’s mind.
Inside her there’s longing This girl’s an open page Book marking she’s so close now This girl is half his age
Don't stand, don’t stand so, don’t stand so close to me Don't stand, don’t stand so, don’t stand so close to me
Elliott Montgomery was no stranger to teaching in an-all girls environment, and he knew when silly teenage girls crushed on him. He had been the recipient of several love notes slipped between submitted essays, overtly flirtatious girls in his class, and some brave girls had even left panties in his pigeon box, much to all the other Professors’ amusements. Leslie Jefferson had twice as many as Elliot, but Jefferson actually fed into these girls’ childish crushes, if only to hide his closet homosexuality. Andrew Lysterfield was still new and too nervous to deal with anything of the kind, much to the girls’ amusements – they really did enjoy torturing the poor fellow.
The Headmistress had warned the men about these possibilities, asking that any girls avidly flirting with the teachers were to be reprimanded and sent to the Headmistress. But the three junior staff felt it was only natural young teenage girls felt this way, and this harmless fun would keep them safer for anything severe. Elliott himself never fed into any of the childish seduction these girls would attempt, instead smiling curtly and reminding them there were consequences for their actions which may involve detention in the gym.
When Kiara Maksuda started attending his class in her 10th year, he was only mildly surprised to see the girl’s doe-eyed innocence at the topic of Nabakov’s Lolita. It was a text Elliott had taught for many years, and it always was a contentious topic of choice, even within the English department. Was it really appropriate for a young English teacher to be teaching this text in a same-sex environment? Perhaps not. And every year there were girls who would play on the Lolita trope to seduce Elliott. He prepared himself for the onslaught of flirtatious bullshit every year. This year however, Elliott felt something stir in his stomach every time he had Kiara in his class. She was smart, she was attentive, and she was eloquent. He initially was incredibly impressed by the girl’s capacity to pick up on themes within the text and further expand upon a topic outlined to the whole class, or in most cases, directly oppose his train of thinking. Elliott enjoyed marking the girl’s essays, and his pride was almost hurt when he read how Kiara would tear his theories and interpretations to shreds, but this was what caught his attention.
Kiara was an easy book to read for Elliott. She was likely brought up in a strict household and was regimented in her classwork and homework. She was disciplined, and mostly stayed quiet in class. Elliott liked that in his students. But what he liked even more was her ideas, her thinking; he often discreetly thought about catching her on a lunch break to discuss texts, if only to have someone to talk to. But he read further into her – the way she would stare at him, the blush on her tan cheeks, the way her legs would clench when answering questions for him, it was obvious she was infatuated with him. But what shocked (and eventually excited) him was how she didn’t make a single attempt to let him know how she felt.
Elliott was sure the girl wasn’t aware of her attraction to him, so he deliberately lingered on Kiara when discussing Lolita, and he was thoroughly shocked when she had stared at him so directly. It was as if she was reading something in him that he wasn’t aware of. And it became apparent that it was his slow-growing attraction to her, as he read her essay refuting his ideas, and the clear clichés the girl had put into her writing to give him consent to take her.
Elliott was scared. He had never, in his 10 years of teaching career, felt this way about a student. But he couldn’t deny the uncomfortable bulge that had grown in his trousers as he marked Kiara’s essay. The girl was raw with her words, exposing her wishes quite artistically on paper, almost too clearly drawing a parallel between Humbert and Elliott, and Lolita and herself. This made Elliott incredibly uncomfortable, but his body grew warm as he read her words, and he had to down a glass of gin or two to get through her essay. Later that night as he relieved himself, all he could think about was Kiara’s legs clenching as she would answer his questions, but how her voice carried conviction of her thinking. It frightened her how resolute this girl was, in all her teenage lust.
But the girl was half his age. She was 16, Elliott was 32, not only was this illegal, it was also unacceptable. Elliott couldn’t discuss this with Leslie or Andrew, or any of the other teaching staff. This was a prestigious school, and Elliott was well-respected within his peers. He couldn’t allow for his reputation to be smeared. All there was to do was for Elliott to continue his life as though Kiara’s infatuation did not bother him, just like none of the other girls did. The rather unsexy novel by Camus only slightly helped, but he still asked Kiara for her inputs in class. She never wrote anything so explicit to him (probably as the topic never called for it), but he could read her like a book. She wanted him.
And by god, he wanted her too. But he never let it show, he only kept a photocopy of Kiara’s essay by his bedside to read late at night, when he needed something to help him take off the edge.
Her friends are so jealous You know how bad girls get Sometimes it's not so easy To be the teacher's pet
Professor Montgomery had set an assignment of an oral presentation on Albert Camus’ works, and he had requested the girls complete this assignment in groups of 3-4. Kiara teamed up with her girlfriends Abby, Lizzy and Monika for this task – girls she knew and trusted would get the job done. After Professor Montgomery’s class, the four girls made their way over to the library to begin brainstorming ideas to present on. Kiara already in her mind had a list of ideas she believed would really capture Professor Montgomery’s attention.
But the girls had other ideas, and as they went about with their shallow interpretations, Kiara sat there, frustrated. She knew Professor Montgomery would not find any of their ideas entertaining, and she certainly had a reputation to maintain in his eyes, whatever it was. Professor Montgomery never indicated that she was a class favourite – he treated everyone equally in class, and this drove Kiara to try harder. She did not know her peers’ marks, that was not something they discussed, so she could not tell the girls their ideas were stupid, and Kiara knew better. Silently she sat and watched them draw up the presentation to the best of their abilities, providing non-committal noises when prompted.
She wondered whether she should ask Professor Montgomery if she could do the task solo. It was irritating her to no end that she could not get her ideas out there. So, after the next English lesson, she gathered up her books in her arms, and went up to Professor Montgomery’s desk in front of the class. “Professor Montgomery?”
Professor Montgomery looked up from his notebook and smiled politely at her. Her loins burned and her cheeks flushed as his grey, piercing eyes seemed to stare into her soul. “Yes, Miss Maksuda?” Kiara noticed how large his hands were, clasped and resting on the desk, his long fingers entwined. How would those hands feel on my body? Kiara had to physically stop herself from thinking too far ahead, even that thought caused a small damp in her underwear she knew she needed to take care of later.
“I-I was wondering if there was a way for me to complete this assignment solo? My team-mates and I aren’t exactly seeing eye-to-eye in our interpretations.” Kiara stuttered. Professor Montgomery frowned a little bit, his eyes briefly flitting to her loose tie, then back at her eyes.
“Miss Maksuda-,”
“Call me Kiara, please!” Kiara blurted out, shocked at her insistence. She hated hearing the formalities from his lips, she did not know why. Kiara thought she saw the hint of the smallest smirk playing in Professor Montgomery’s lips, a spark in his eyes, but it could have just been her nerves. Her nerves were definitely shot.
“Miss Maksuda. This is a group project, so you all need to co-operate as a team. It is your responsibility to show your team why your idea trumps theirs. I won’t accept solo submissions.” Professor Montgomery’s tone was stern, but there was a softness attached to it, something which made Kiara’s heart flutter. Kiara nodded obediently, somewhat disappointed.
“Okay Professor. Good afternoon.” She quickly dipped out of the classroom, burning in shame, thinking what a fool I made of myself right there! Blooming red, she joined her group in the library, and boldly declared her ideas to the rest of her groupmates. She knew she was being an absolute bitch by ripping apart their ideas, but she had something to prove. She always did when it came to Professor Montgomery.
Monika rolled her eyes at Kiara, “Are you really thinking you’ll get into Professor Montgomery’s pants with your great realisations of Albert Camus, Kiara? You are more delusional than I thought.” Kiara felt like she was practically burning up with embarrassment, but she was resolute.
“I just want to take something up to him that’ll make him impressed with our ideas. We can incorporate your ideas into the presentation as well, but please allow me a minute or 2 to present.” In the end the girls came to a compromise. Kiara had never been this excited about any of her oral presentations, but this one she felt was important. It was going to be held in the last day of term before the break, and Kiara wanted something of a feel-good to keep with her when classes were on hold.
On the day of the presentation Kiara nervously stood in front of the class with all her teammates. Professor Montgomery, along with all the other girls in the class, gave Kiara’s group an encouraging smile, and they began presenting. The first few minutes while the other girls prattled on about their ideas, Kiara stood impatiently, determined to capture Professor Montgomery’s eyes. The other groups that had previously presented were good, but Kiara’s competition in class, Anika, had come up with a really good point which seemed to have impressed Professor Montgomery.
As Kiara’s turn came, she began her well-rehearsed presentation for the rest of the class. She knew she had to make eye contact with everyone else in the class, however her eyes were only on Professor Montgomery, who initially had been writing something down in his rubric, but as he noticed the topic of conversation shift as Kiara came to present, his head shot up and his eyes once again, pierced into her. Kiara felt the fire in her loins burning again, and her body betrayed her as she felt her legs automatically clench together. The other girls didn’t seem to notice her legs, instead were giggling at how red she was becoming, but she powered on, resolute.
But Kiara knew that Professor Montgomery was watching. Her nipples were hard against her bra under her shirt, and they were so hard it almost hurt, and Kiara was sure they could be seen poking out. Her pussy was starting to ache, a dull ache which could only be healed by fingering herself in the shower. She hadn’t imagined her presentation to be this difficult, but she breathed deeply and continued, her mouth prattling off her presentation while in her mind she was aching to be touched. She stared back into Professor Montgomery’s eyes – they never left her body, his lips parted slightly as he watched her, and she saw how he didn’t make a single remark on her presentation.
Once concluding, everyone gave Kiara’s group a round of applause, Professor Montgomery only fractionally late to join in the applause. As Kiara’s group went back to their seats, she briefly brushed against Professor Montgomery, and got a whiff of his cologne, and it almost immediately made her salivate like a little puppy. Good God, she was so turned on it was unimaginable. She quickly sat back down on her desk and immediately crossed her legs to unsuccessfully prevent her panties from becoming completely soaked.
Professor Montgomery stood in front of the class, “Thank you ladies, you all did an incredible job. There were some outstanding presentations we all observed today, and I will provide you all with feedback after the break. Now – happy holidays everyone!” and he dismissed the class.
Kiara took her time packing her things up from her desk, and as she was sliding her books into her bag, Professor Montgomery walked up to her, the last one left in the room, and in an almost stern, low voice said; “You presented your own topic, outside of what your team presented.” Kiara felt his cologne infiltrate her nostril and had to steel herself. Had he always smelt this good? She looked up and saw his eyes boring into her.
“Yes sir – I wanted you to hear my interpretation of it, despite what my team had to say.” She replied softly, meekly. She thought she almost saw him smile.
“Those were some incredible points you raised in your presentation, but next time I want you to stick to what the assignment expects from you.” He then reached over and patted her upper arm. “Happy Holidays, Kiara.” Kiara’s eyes widened as she heard her name roll off his tongue so casually, and his hand on her arm had felt so warm, so large, and so gentle to the touch but almost with a grip. She felt the heat rising off her skin where he had touched her. That small gesture of affection made her melt. But more importantly, now he had touched her, the desire was ever-burning.
“Happy Holidays Sir.” Kiara stammered out, before running out of the classroom.
Temptation, frustration So bad it makes him cry Wet bus stop, she's waiting His car is warm and dry
Don't stand, don’t stand so, don’t stand so close to me Don't stand, don’t stand so, don’t stand so close to me
Elliot could hardly stand it, seeing her so desperate for him and him not being able to do anything about it. When she had come to him to ask for a solo presentation, Elliot had been inclined to give in, knowing whatever she had to present would be far better than any of her peers. Frankly, the other 3 girls in her group didn’t strike him as brilliant, he’d have much preferred Kiara had grouped up with Anika. But as a teacher, he had to put his foot down on her request. It amazed her how much restraint she had in not asking for ‘favours’ like the other girls did in raising their grades – Elliot might have caved.
And then on the day of the presentation, Elliot hadn’t been able to take his eyes off Kiara as she spoke with conviction about a concept totally derailed from the rest of her group. He was impressed with her topic, and also astounded she had completely disregarded her group’s thinking, if just to present on her own. This was a girl who wouldn’t be told how to think, and it enthralled Elliot that her only weakness was himself. He felt himself getting hard, as he saw her blushing, her legs clenching again, and her nipples poking through her bra and top. His cock was pushing against his trousers, and he had to discreetly cover it with his clipboard and notebook. But he hadn’t any notes to take, his mind had gone blank at the sight of this girl’s apparent arousal right in front of the class. None of the other girls seemed to notice.
Elliott couldn’t help himself, approaching Kiara after class. He thought he could admonish the girl, but with the way she looked up with him, the innocent brown doe-like eyes, he had to step back. When she had said she had intended for him to hear her words, it took a lot for him to not take her face into his hands and kiss her. He allowed a small pat on her arm, but the soft flesh of her arm on his hand felt electric, and he had to quickly walk away. It was the same hand he used later that day to relieve himself in the office, not even making it to his room. Fuck, what had this nymph done to him?
A few days later, the school broke for term break. Elliott was keen to relax and catch up on some much needed syllabus preparation, much like Jefferson and Lysterfield. The three men drove up to a nearby pub to celebrate the break. As the men downed their pints, they revelled at how difficult the term had been, laughed about the headmistress’ insistence in being harsher on the cheeky girls, and what they had planned for the break. It was a nice break to be away from the school – Elliott felt with the drinks he downed, he felt looser, relaxed, and felt the burden of keeping appearances lift from his shoulders. But as it started to rain outside, he realised he was in no shape to drive in heavy rain, so bid the two other men goodbye, and started his drive back.
His mind was racing with thoughts, as he drove past the school bus stop, and saw a shaking, shivering girl. He pulled up, and his heart leapt to his throat as he saw Kiara Maksuda, with a suitcase by her side, drenched top to bottom from the torrential downpour. “Kiara?!” He shouted – the girl looked up, shocked like a deer in the headlight. “Get in the car!” Kiara didn’t have to be told twice – she threw her suitcase into the backseat and plopped herself down on the passenger seat of the car. Elliott cranked up the heat, as he asked, “What happened?”
Kiara’s teeth were chattering, “I missed the bus to the train station Sir, I don’t know when the next bus is.” Elliott noticed how her school uniform clung to her skin, the white shirt see-through to expose her undergarments – a modest bra underneath. Elliott quickly looked away, feeling a burning shame inside.
“Well, there aren’t any more buses tonight. I will drive you back to the school, you can call your parents and let them know you’ll be back tomorrow.” He said, as he started the car back up, and began driving back to the school. It was still a 10 minute drive, and the rain had started to ease into a steady pelting against the windshield. The heater blasting in the car was nothing compared to the heat Elliott was feeling, seeing the shivering girl next to him. Kiara’s eyes were steady on the road, and even in this cold, her cheeks were flushed. In this close proximity, Elliott could smell the young girl next to her, the arousal from her panties wafting into his nose. The alcohol didn’t help either, he had to take deep breaths to concentrate. “Are you okay, Kiara?” He asked, steadying his voice the best he could.
“Yes Sir.” She replied meekly, a small glance his way. Her voice was shaky, and Elliott hated how it made him hard. Dear god don’t let me have a boner in this car with her. But the heat from the heater only wafted her arousal in his car. Elliott realised then exactly what Nabakov was on about. To his horror he realised Kiara had noticed the strain in his trousers, and was blushing beetroot, unable to tear her eyes away from it. Elliott himself turned red. Fuck, fuck, FUCK! He began immediately thinking of the Headmistress, and what she’d say to any unacceptable conduct. His career would be over. This helped soften him, but not fully.
Pulling into the staff carpark, Elliott wordlessly helped Kiara with her luggage. Leading Kiara to the administrative area, he realised everyone in admin had locked up and gone back to their chambers. Elliot checked the time – 9pm. This poor girl had been out in the rain for over 3 hours, and there was no one around to help her get access back to the halls. With not much options left to him, Elliott reluctantly guided Kiara back to his chambers. Kiara timidly followed him, not saying anything.
In his chambers, Elliott told Kiara, “You can change and take a warm shower. I’ll fix you something to eat, and you can sleep on my bed. I’ll take the recliner,” he smiled at her reassuringly, but the thought of having to share such close quarters with Kiara, he wasn’t sure. This certainly wasn’t appropriate, and he very well could have set her up in the nurse’s chamber, but something in him didn’t want that. As insane as it felt, Elliott knew Kiara didn’t want that either. He didn’t linger on that thought for too long, instead allowing Kiara her privacy as he dashed around, trying to prepare a sandwich with some cold meat and cheese for the girl.
After the shower, Kiara used the phone in Elliott’s chambers to call her parents (who were incredibly worried about her) that she had missed the bus and train so couldn’t make it back home that night and would be on a train tomorrow. Kiara scoffed the sandwich down quickly and downed the juice as though she hadn’t drunk for days. Elliott’s previous haze from the alcohol was starting to wear off, however having Kiara in his chambers, he felt a dire need for whisky, and was sipping it on his recliner, closing his eyes and trying desperately to latch onto some sense of restrain. Kiara’s outfit post-shower didn’t help – the girl had put on a long jumper, and sleeping shorts, but from the way the shorts hugged her ass, and her nipples poked out from her jumper, Elliot knew the girl had nothing on underneath. It terrified Elliott how aroused he was from this. After Kiara had finished, she dutifully washed up, before sitting down on the bed next to recliner, legs crossed.
They sat like that, quietly, awkwardly, Kiara watching as Elliott sipped on his whiskey. She then asked Elliott meekly, “Professor…why did you start calling me Kiara?” Like by my name?”
Elliott was caught – he hadn’t even realised he had been doing that. “Oh…well you told me to.” He replied, trying to keep a cool composure. She smiled, a sweet, happy smile which made Elliott incredibly uncomfortable thinking the things he had thought about her. Her dark, damp hair fell in waves around her, and the lamp between them illuminating her sleek, tan legs. As Kiara looked down, she saw the folded up piece of paper, resembling her handwriting. Elliot watched in horror, his heart on his throat, as Kiara picked it up, and started reading the copy of the essay Kiara had written for Lolita. The curiosity in her eyes glazed over to a look of desire as Elliott saw recognition flitting across her eyes. Good god, there was no going back now, absolutely not.
Kiara’s legs, once crossed, immediately closed shut, and she closed her eyes. Elliott saw her breathing heavily, before opening her eyes, and with a shaky voice said, “You knew.”
Elliott didn’t miss a beat. “Of course I knew Kiara. I always knew. I’m a teacher, after all.” His hands tightened around his whisky glass. Kiara slid off the bed and made her way towards his recliner. He was frozen in his seat, now wishing more than ever he had sent her to the nurse’s office, instead of bringing her in his chambers. She stood in front of him, and he once again, smelt her arousal. They both noticed how hard Elliott was getting under his pyjamas, and there was nothing Elliott could do to take Kiara’s eyes off it.
“So, you’ve known all this time, how I’ve wanted you Professor.” Her voice was now incredibly low, her plump lips speaking softly, and Elliott was hot and cold at the same time. The word ‘Professor’ sent alarm bells in Elliott’s mind; statutory rape kept popping up in his head. He noticed his breathing had become shallow, as if to not take in her scent, but it didn’t help. Her foot lightly brushed over his as she stepped closer, and Elliott had to close his eyes.
“Kia-Ms Maksuda, please.” He tried, but she said,
“It’s Kiara, Professor.”
“Kiara, please. This isn’t right, and you know it.” He spoke through gritted teeth, his eyes still closed. He suddenly felt her hand on his, gently picking it up. Her hand was warm, soft, and small, and when he opened his eyes, he saw the doe-eyed look Kiara had, whenever she looked to Elliott for validation in class, and that’s what broke him. He pulled her into his arms by her hand and seated her on his lap. He hated how he was doing this, every cell in his body screamed no and yes at the same time as she sat on his lap. He felt how incredibly warm she was, and said, “Kiara, please, don’t do this.” His voice almost broke.
But it was already too late for him, his cock was hard and nudging against Kiara’s leg, and they both felt it. Elliott looked into her brown eyes, and automatically rose to meet her lips as she leaned in. The kiss was sweet, Elliott tasting the soft, pink lips he’d seen so often speaking resolutely in class. The girl was a good kisser, and it didn’t take long for Elliott’s resolve to break, before he deepened the kiss, cupping her soft cheek in his hand, while the other grabbed her waist and pulled her closer. As they broke apart, she smiled, giggling nervously. This only aggravated Elliott’s desires, and he pulled her into another kiss again, hoisting her up so now she straddled his lap. She gasped against his lips, as he felt her warmth right against his cock under the pyjamas.
Elliott’s mind was racing, but the whisky had the opposite effect of easing him into control. He looked at the nymph on his lap, one hand riding up her jumper and up her back. She had goosebumps, but her skin was burning hot under his palm. Her hands had found their way around his neck and was running through his hair. Elliott had to pull back from the kiss.
“Fuck Kiara…are you sure about this?” he asked. Kiara’s eyes were wild, he had never seen her like this – she leaned back down and started kissing his cheeks, neck, and in his ear said,
“I’ve wanted to fuck you for so long Professor.”
And that did it. With one hand he pulled her back into a kiss, before placing his hands on her hips, guiding her to slowly grind against his boner. She moaned so sweetly into his ear, he wondered how he hadn’t done this sooner. The headmistress returned to the back of his mind, but Kiara’s shallow breaths erased his thoughts completely as he kissed her jaw and neck, while his hands began travelling up her waist. Her soft, teenage skin felt supple to the touch, and he suddenly couldn’t remember what any other women felt like. He could feel her leaving a puddle on his trousers, but this only made him buck his hips up to meet her, while holding her down against his bulge. His hands stopped at the base of her breasts, and he looked up at her. She nodded, shaking as she shed the jumper.
The sight before him was better than what he had dreamt of. He had always expected her to be a discreet, dainty little girl, but Kiara’s breasts were deceptive. The DD cups which sat before him, with the hard, brown nipples, made him salivate. Elliott’s hands cupped her warm, supple breasts, and gently thumbed the nipples, watching as her eyes closed and a soft moan erupted from her lips. He sat upright, and with one hand guiding the back of her neck to kiss him again (he couldn’t get enough of her lips), the other squeezing her breast and softly pinching her nipples. He bit into her lip as she started grinding against his cock without prompt, and hungrily kissed down her neck, chest, and finally closed his lips around a nipple, initially flicking his tongue over the hard nib before suckling. Kiara’s whimpers filled the room as she continued to grind, and as he swapped breasts, putting the same attention on her other nipple, he slid his trousers off, for Kiara to settle back onto Elliott’s precum-soaked boxers.
As Kiara lowered onto his lap, her increased moans at his touches was breaking Elliott’s resolve even further. He had promised himself he would go easy on her, but she was making it very, very difficult. He murmured against her skin, “Kiara, I don’t know how much I can hold back.”
“Don’t hold back,” she whispered, and that was all it took for Elliott to grab her throat and sink his teeth onto her breast. She let out a small scream, as Elliott sucked and bit hard at her soft skin, while bucking his hips hard up against her, leaving bite marks at her breasts. After pulling back, he pulled her by the neck to kiss and bite at her lips, while one hand stripped her off her shorts. Elliott thought he heard Kiara sniffle, but as her underwear came off and her sweet scent of arousal hit him like a brick, he was immediately put on pause. He looked into her eyes, and his hands gently traced up her thighs, finally feeling the heat radiating right against the palm of his hand. His hand left her throat, and shoved two fingers into her mouth, feeling her moist lips enclosing around them, while with the other hand, he brushed his fingertips against her soft pussy lips.
Kiara’s legs buckled, and her forehead was resting against Elliott’s, as Elliott felt his fingertips coat with Kiara’s juices even just from tracing the shape of her mound. He leaned over, and continued nibbling and biting on Kiara’s neck, as his fingers gently rubbed on the sensitive, and incredibly swollen clit. She was whimpering into his forehead, swearing under her breath, her legs barely keeping her upright. He held her waist with one hand to steady her, and the other slowly pushed a single finger into her tight, dripping pussy.
“Professor” she moaned, as she immediately clenched onto his shoulders, her fingers digging into Elliott. It drove him insane that hearing her call him ‘Professor’ sent a chill down his spine which tightened his balls. What was he doing? But there was no going back, he had already started to move the single digit in and out of Kiara, his finger warm and tight inside of her, and as his fingers hit her G-spot, she squealed, which allowed Elliott to shove another finger inside of her, before taking the hand off her waist and back inside her mouth.
“Look at me Kiara,” he guided her steadily, as she sucked on his fingers, her eyes watery but her cheeks flushed, as Elliott slowly increased the speed of his fingers inside of her, hearing her moans becoming louder and her entire body starting to shake as her pussy tightened around his fingers. Elliott leaned over, and captured a nipple into his mouth, and began vigorously sucking and biting at it, and using his thumb to rub at her clit. It didn’t take long at all as Kiara suddenly bit down on his fingers, her legs quaking and her pussy pulsating around Elliott’s fingers as she rode into her first orgasm of the night. He continued rubbing at her g-spot, right until she looked as though she was ready to pass out, before pulling out and spanking her ass.
Kiara’s breathing was shallow against his shoulder as she collapsed on his lap, and he let her rest on his chest for a while, praying to the gods to have mercy on his soul as what he felt like doing to her. But it was as if she had read his mind, Kiara’s hand was suddenly massaging at his hardened, throbbing bulge under his boxers. Her soft hands tracing the shape of his shaft, she looked up at him with the doe-like brown eyes, and she said, “Thank-you sir – now it’s my turn.” And before Elliott could say otherwise, she had slid off his lap, now kneeling in front of him, and with shaky hands, her eyes not leaving his, slid his cock out from his boxer.
Elliott’s mind fogged up, as he felt Kiara’s small hand tracing him, and he had to close his eyes to steady himself trying to have some sort of control, clenching the armrests of his recliner, his knuckles going white. It was dumb, he knew, trying to stop this, for he wanted this just as much as Kiara had intentions to get hers tonight. He opened his eyes and with a fire burning in his lower belly, watched as the little girl started playing with his cock, sliding her hands up and down the shaft. She was only mildly inexperienced, but even the sight of her looking hungrily at his cock, made Elliott reach down, grab her hair, and pull her face right up against his cock. “Take it into your mouth Kiara, show me what you can do.”
He held her at his cock as her tongue flicked out and traced the tip of his cock, lapping up al the precum that had welled up. His skin felt like it was on fire and ice at the same time, his hips automatically bucking again so that the cock hit Kiara’s face and her tongue was now tracing the shaft, like an icy pole. Elliott then guided the cock into Kiara’s pretty little mouth, and let her suck at her own pace, feeling her wet, warm tongue layering his cock with her spit, all the while looking up at him with those eyes desperate for validation. “Babygirl, you’re doing so well,” He hissed at her, seeing her eyes light up at his new pet name for her. This sent his heart soaring, and with that he bucked his hips right into her face, shoving the cock down her throat. She immediately gagged, but he caressed her cheeks, and pinched her nipples as he began slowly fucking her face, her throat. She didn’t seem to want to give in either, enthusiastically flicking her tongue to lick at his balls (god – who taught her that???) as he rammed his cock down her throat, feeling her throat closing around him, her spit running down her chin and onto his balls, and he knew he was making such a mess of her. He felt his balls tightening, and quickly pulled her away, not wanting to waste his orgasm on her mouth. He was too far gone – he wanted her virgin pussy.
Elliott picked Kiara up from the floor, and kissed her lips gently, wiping her tears from her eyes. She kissed him back eagerly, knowing she had made him a happy man. Elliott then kissed her forehead. “You’re such a good girl Kiara, you need to be rewarded.”
As if all inhibitions forgotten, he guided Kiara onto his bed, laying her down so her legs hung off the edge of the bed, and spread her legs out so he could properly see her tanned mound, her dark hair trimmed neatly and soaked with her cum. He kissed her lips, necks, down the valley between her breasts, her soft stomach, and Elliott could hear her breath quicken and her skin warm up as he traced his lips to hers below, inhaling the scent he was sure he could not get out of his mind. His tongue gently licked at the tight slit, up and against the clit, feeling Kiara’s legs shake on either side of his shoulders. She tasted sweet, and slightly tangy, but a taste he would never get tired of, he decided. Gripping her legs over his shoulders, Elliott dove into her pussy, closing his mouth around her clit as he suckled gently at the swollen nib, and sucked at her pussy lips. She was audibly moaning now, if anyone walked past, they may very well hear her. Elliott broke free from her pussy, grabbed her discarded shorts and shoved them in her mouth. “Can’t let them hear you babygirl,” he hissed, before plunging back into her folds. Kiara was squirming under him, muffled screams into her shorts as his tongue flicked across her clit, and he added two fingers into her pussy as he continued to harass her clit. Pretty soon she was shaking, her body throwing her over the edge as she grinded her face against Elliott’s face to ride through her second orgasm.
Elliott was rock hard now – his cock was aching to be inside this little girl, but he had to let her recover. This was something he needed so fucking badly, and he knew he would definitely hurt her, and so just needed her to know what she was getting into. He was on the larger side, and as Kiara recovered, Elliott began massaging the tip of his cock against her clit, amazed at how wet this girl was. “Kiara… I need to fuck you, do you understand? It will hurt, you will cry, but I need to do this.” Kiara nodded, her doe-eyes moist with tears, her cheeks flushed, her mouth obediently clamped around her shorts.
It was hard to restrain himself as he pushed the tip of his throbbing cock inside Kiara’s virgin pussy, which despite having been fingered multiple times, was still tight. Kiara shrieked, her body tensing up as he pushed in. Elliott hadn’t realised he had been holding his breath in, so as he got the tip in, he breathed out, and kissed Kiara’s cheek. “Honey, I need you to breathe deeply okay? Breathe deep,” and as he took the shorts out of her mouth, Elliott muffled her cry with a deep kiss. She kissed him back passionately, and as he pulled back, she nodded. He felt her relaxing as she breathed, biting her lips to avoid being loud, and Elliott slid his cock further into her wet pussy. And by god, it was the tightest he had fucked. It almost hurt how tight Kiara’s pussy was, so he leaned in and continued kissing her, rubbing her clit softly, as he slowly started to move in and out of her, only an inch, getting her used to his cock.
Kiara’s whimpers slowly transformed into sighs of pleasure, and Elliott knew she was getting used to him. He started moving deeper in and out of her, leaning into her as she grasped his arms for support. Elliott’s grey eyes looked into Kiara’s doe brown eyes, and as he felt her loosening up around him, her soft smile made Elliott’s insides flip. He was still going gentle on her, so when Kiara whispered, “Fuck me, Professor Montgomery,” Elliott immediately shoved the short back into her mouth, and with one hand grabbed a breast, the other bracing her hips, and started bucking his hips harder and harder against her small frame. Kiara was loud, even with the shorts in her mouth, so the hand on her waist was now around her throat, choking her as he drilled his cock into her. Her eyes were wide, her face growing redder, but Elliott almost didn’t care, feeling his throbbing cock stretching the little virgin pussy out, her pussy only flooding with more arousal. He was shocked when he found himself railing against her cervix, and he then remembered he had to pull out. Elliott had completely neglected to put on a condom in all this, but this thought thrilled him more than he cared to admit (he didn’t care to admit a lot at this point).
Elliott whispered to Kiara, “I’m going to cum sweetheart, I’m so fucking close, your pussy is so sweet and tight, I can’t imagine how I held back so long.” Fuck, he wasn’t one for word vomits, but the girl choked for breath as he released her throat, and delivered a few more deep strokes in her pussy. His balls were tightening, and he felt himself getting close, but before he could think to pull out, his cock pulsated, and immediately started cumming inside of her. Elliott cursed at himself on the inside, hating himself for what he had done, but the absolute satisfaction of cumming inside Kiara steamrolling over his regret. Kiara’s nails had dug into him, and as he collapsed, his head resting against Kiara’s shoulder, he weakly removed the shorts from her mouth. Kiara gasped for breath for a bit, before crying out,
“Professor – you came in me!” But there was no anger in Kiara’s voice, it was more so a tone of amazement. Elliott nodded into her soft shoulder, kissing the crook of her neck.
“Yes my girl, I did. I’m so sorry.”
Kiara laughed, “No you’re not – I saw your eyes, there was no way you would have pulled out.” Elliott laughed with her, before rolling off her, and helping her up onto the bed to lie down properly. She was still shaking from the brutality of the acts, and Elliott felt bad – it was quite a lot for someone who had just lost her virginity. Elliott observed the lovebites he had left on her neck and breasts, and her face was still red from the choking.
“Are you okay, Kiara?” Elliott asked, suddenly incredibly ashamed for what he had put the girl through. Kiara nodded, a small smile creeping onto her face, and she reached out and took his hand.
“I’m alright sir. Sore, but I’m okay.” They stayed quiet, as Elliott cleared up the mess of clothes on the floor (he was never one to keep things messy in his chambers), with Kiara watching his every move. Elliott was still semi hard from, his mind racing from the actions of the night. He had every intention to sleep on the recliner after what had happened, but Kiara piped up. “Professor? Do you want to sleep in the bed?”
Elliott looked at her, the little angel in his bed, her hair unkempt, her eyes bright but sleepy. “My dear, I don’t know if I can do that to you after what happened between us.” Kiara rolled her eyes, but he saw her flushing with excitement at his terms of endearment. How far they had come from calling her Miss Maksuda. She flipped the blanket over next to her and said,
“Please sir, I insist.”
Elliott quickly made a bathroom trip and put on some boxers. Then he helped Kiara to the bathroom so she could use it (her legs were still incredibly wobby), and she slipped on her long jumper before sliding into bed. They lay facing each other, silent for the longest time. Elliott watched as Kiara’s eyes slowly fluttered and she drifted off to sleep, but not before Elliott had kissed her forehead and brought her close to him in an embrace.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The next day Elliott woke up as his body clock usually did, a slight grogginess attributed to the alcohol intake from the night before. His body felt a bit sore, and for a moment he hadn’t realised there was someone in bed with him, until his arm knocked against wool. He gazed at her for a while, the evening’s events flooding back into his mind, and as he registered her as Kiara, Elliott almost recoiled. The guilt of what he’d done crushing him like a tonne of bricks, but even more insane was the raging boner that had resulted seeing Kiara’s sleeping figure in his bed. He cursed inwardly and reached over to take a sip of the glass of water he always had on his bedside when Kiara began to stir.
Elliott remained still, his heart beating rapidly, as Kiara awoke, registering her surroundings and Elliott himself. As soon as she did, she began blushing and dove under the covers, hiding herself from Elliott. He laughed and pulled the covers back. “Good morning Kiara.”
“Good morning Professor,” she mumbled, hiding under her jumper neck now. Elliott gently brushed her hair back and asked,
“Did you sleep well?”
“Yes sir, really well.” They went silent for a few moments, as looked at him shyly but expectantly. Elliott considered the words to say.
“Kiara, you know this cannot happen again.” He was trying to convince himself more than her. Kiara looked disappointed, but understanding, as she nodded. It didn’t help him his boner was throbbing under the covers. “This isn’t right, for many reasons. Firstly, I’m an adult and you’re only a teenager, so this was stat-uhm-illegal. Secondly, I’m your educator, and thereby your guardian, and I can’t let this continue with good faith.” Elliott couldn’t bring himself to say what was the truth, in that he wanted her very much, right now. He could feel her heat radiating from under the blanket, and it was getting incredibly difficult to conceal his boner under the blanket. “Do you understand?”
Kiara nodded solemnly. “I understand Professor. I’m sorry.” Tears were beginning to pool in her eyes.
Elliott reflexively stroked her face (damning himself as he did so), “No, no Kiara it isn’t your fault. It’s completely my own, I take full responsibility for what happened last night. You’re only a child – how were you to know?”
Kiara shook her head, “I’m a teenager, and of consenting age Professor, I did all of it willingly, and if given the chance,” her eyes had found his poorly concealed boner, “I would do it all over again.” Elliott gulped. This didn’t help – her voice had almost become resolute as she had noticed his condition. Without breaking eye contact, Kiara sat up, and slowly again, leaned into him and kissed his lips softly. Elliott didn’t even try to pull back, instead letting her take the lead as she pushed him back up against the bed, so he was resting his back against the bedframe. Sliding up next to him, Kiara continued kissing Elliott, slipping a tongue in and gently nudging against his, before kissing his ears, neck and shoulders, all the while her hand reaching down his body and grasping at his rock hard shaft.
Elliott didn’t have the heart, or the will, to push her away as she removed his boxers to free him, and as she began rubbing his cock with her dainty, soft hands, she alternated between his cheeks, jawline, ear and lips. Elliott soon hungrily began to return the kiss, as he felt his heart racing even harder against his body, his skin on fire against Kiara’s touch. Elliott shed the jumper off Kiara again, displaying her womanly curves for him to see. He wrapped an arm around the back of Kiara, and started teasing her pussy from behind, rubbing between her already dripping pussy lips. Elliott was now surrounded by her aromas, a scent he would have been a fool to deny. As he felt his balls starting to tighten under Kiara’s touch, he pulled her on top of him and flipped her around, so Kiara was facing his cock. Grabbing her hair, he guided her mouth onto his cock. “Show me what you have, baby girl.”
This remark made Kiara drip relentlessly, and right in front of Elliott. He felt himself salivating, and as he felt her mouth close around the tip of his cock and the shaft running along the top of her mouth to her throat, Elliott leaned in and dipped his tongue into the glistening lips. And the taste and aroma of Kiara’s young, newly claimed pussy was suddenly all that mattered to Elliott, as he devoured it like no tomorrow, occasionally flicking his tongue up to catch her deliciously puckered asshole. Kiara’s moans were resonating within the room, the vibrations of her moans echoing against his hardening cock, as her tongue and mouth worked around it. She was definitely putting on an effort, but Elliott didn’t wait for her to give any prompts, before he bucked his hips right into her face, shoving the cock down Kiara’s throat. Kiara’s squeal only made Elliott ravage her young pussy even deeper.
It didn’t take long – Kiara’s legs began shaking, and Elliott clamped her legs to keep her on his tongue as she cried and rode through her orgasm, her pussy flooding onto his tongue. He lapped it up with purpose, peppering soft kisses on her asscheeks and thighs, before letting her go. She only took a few moments to recover, before enthusiastically gargling on Elliott’s cock like it was her last meal on earth, eager to please. Elliott wanted her throat, completely, so turning her around so she faced him, he grabbed her hair, and began face-fucking her the way he had the night before, except this time as he bucked upwards, Kiara met him halfway, spit and precum running down her face. It only took a few moments, before Elliott felt himself release into Kiara’s soft, eager mouth. And the little minx kept sucking! Elliott gasped for air as she took every drop he had to offer, right until he began to become flaccid.
Kiara sat back up, smiling triumphantly, wiping her mouth and swallowing. Elliott pulled her towards him, kissed her deeply before holding her in an embrace for quite some time, smelling her sweet hair. So much for the promise they had intended to keep.
After they both cleaned up with showers (separately this time), Elliott prepared them a spot of breakfast of eggs and bacon, and Elliott checked on the train times. By now it was 9am, and there would be a train around 9:45am. Kiara packed up her belongings from Elliott’s chambers as Elliott cleaned up, and by 9:15am they were in his car and driving towards the station.
It was quiet in the car, neither of them speaking very much. There was no point trying to re-iterate the point about how illegal their pursuits were, it seemed neither had much regard for it when in close proximity to one another. When Elliott parked at the station car park, he looked at Kiara and said, “I’ll be honest Kiara – I really don’t think we can continue, but there’s no use in denying I am incredibly attracted to you. But we do need to keep it discrete, whatever this is. Understood?”
Kiara was blushing again, the soft pinks of her cheeks making it hard for Elliott to not grab her face and kiss her right there. She nodded. “Yes Professor.”
“And when we are together, you are to call me Elliott, understood?” Kiara paused on that for a moment. She seemed conflicted.
“I…I don’t think I can do that to you Professor. That seems too disrespectful.” Elliott laughed, the insanity of the situation – this little girl was willing to let him fuck her brains out but refused to call him by his name. “Besides,” Kiara smiled cheekily, “I think it is kind of sexy, don’t you?”
Elliott gulped, his laughter dying down immediately as he felt his lower regions shift at that insinuation. There definitely was something to what she was saying. But before he had time to respond, the train announcements were calling for those departing on the 9:45am train to start approaching the platform. Kiara quickly kissed Elliott on the lips, before jumping out with her suitcase, running towards the car park. And with that, she was gone.
Loose talk in the classroom To hurt they try and try Strong words in the staffroom The accusations fly It's no use, he sees her He starts to shake he starts to cough Just like the old man in That book by Nabakov
Actually, this was all false. No one really did find out about Elliott and Kiara’s semester break rendezvous that rainy night, as Kiara sighed from relief when her period arrived 2 weeks later. She still dreamt about Professor Montgomery every night, her fantasies only growing wilder and wilder as the days passed. When it was time to return back to school, Kiara was suddenly incredibly nervous – how would Professor Montgomery address her in class? And would she be able to keep her wits about her being in the same classroom, after everything they had done? She was about to find out.
Kiara actually didn’t see Professor Montgomery on the first few days back in term, as English classes were scheduled for later in the week. She caught up with all her friends but didn’t tell a single soul what had transpired between herself and Professor Montgomery. This was something she would take to the grave if she had to. So when the girls all lined up outside English class on that Thursday morning, her friends began giggling and giving her hell about crushing so hard on Professor Montgomery, claiming she had done all the readings for their new text for the semester – The Bacchae. Kiara of course had done all the readings as the meticulous student she was (having nothing else to do in her strict, regimented household), so replied confidently to all their teasing.
“Good morning ladies, and welcome back!” She heard him behind her, and turning around, Kiara was again startled by how tall he was, his piercing grey eyes looking directly at her, smiling cordially. She blushed, and all the other girls laughed. “Right this way please”. Everyone filed into the classroom and took their designated desks, as Professor Montgomery began to set up for the class. Kiara’s legs trembled as she saw his fingers grasping at the chalk for the chalkboard, remembering how they had fingered her that night. She hadn’t been to replicate anything similar, but during the break she had sneaked a trip to the doctors and obtained birth control pills, if anything were to continue. She watched on, and as Professor Montgomery continued his lessons, he made no indications of anything towards Kiara, only speaking to her when he asked questions about the text. Kiara was slightly disheartened by his normal behaviour, as though nothing had taken place between the two of them. She sighed quietly to herself.
At the end of the class after Professor Montgomery had laid down the basics of the text, he said, “Alright ladies I have marked all your presentations, and your individual feedback sheets are with me – I will be distributing it. Your group scores you will receive next lesson. Please read your feedback after class.” Kiara sat up eagerly, keen to see what Professor Montgomery had to say about her uncouth and impromptu presentation she had delivered right before semester had ended. She hoped he wouldn’t penalise her now that he knew exactly why she had done it. A silly voice in her hoped he’d have taken her offering of her virginity to consideration, but that only happened in fantasies.
Professor Montgomery began distributing the feedback sheets face-down on everyone’s desks, and the girls obediently kept them faced down as they began packing their bags. He smiled as he walked past Kiara, placing hers down gently before moving on. Kiara had expected maybe a brushing of hands, maybe? Again, slightly disgruntled, she took her feedback sheet, packed up her bag, and walked out of the classroom. Standing at the doorway, hoping to catch him after everyone left, Kiara read her note. It said,
Miss Maksuda,
Your interpretation of the text was thorough and provided lots of evidence, and you displayed good text-pattern analysis. I believe you have the potential to undertake University English while studying in Year 11 and 12, with some coaching. With your parents’ permission, I would like us to undertake additional classes every Thursday night after dinner from 7pm to 9:30pm. I have approved this with the rest of the faculty, and they have agreed to help you pursue this avenue.
Kind regards
Professor M.
Kiara looked back and saw Professor Montgomery sitting at his desk, writing in his notebook. He looked up at her, and gave her the smallest smirk and a wink, before returning back to his writing. Kiara’s heart sang with joy. She really appreciated how supportive the school had become of her true endeavours.
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literaryheist · 5 years ago
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Melville’s Bartleby and Camus’ Absurdism
Melville’s Bartleby and Camus’ Absurdism is an #article by @AdaWofford - it is a close reading of both Bartleby and The Stranger, which highlights the striking similarities in imagery, symbolism, and theme between the two works. #WritingCommunity
In his piece reacting to The Stranger, Jean-Paul Sartre quotes Camus, “a man is more of a man because of what he does not say than what he does say” (Sartre 82). It is almost as if Camus was specifically describing the silent namesake of Melville’s “Bartleby.” Somewhat ironically, this quote appears twice in Sartre’s short essay about The Stranger, Camus’ debut novel dealing with the philosophy…
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j3-suis-partout · 5 years ago
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Week 4, Camus Part Deux
Week Four, Camus Part Deux  Readings: The Fall & The Myth of Sisyphus      So I really enjoyed these two readings and was super excited to see how discussion would go in class. Without a doubt, the whole time I was reading “The Fall” I kept thinking about the saying “character is what you do, and who you are when no one is watching.” I thought a lot about the contrast between The Stranger and The Fall. There are so many major differences between Mersault and Clamence. In The Stranger you've got Mersault who essentially goes through life with hardly any consciousness...literally going with the flow and not really inserting himself into life but rather just living life as it comes. Then you've got Clamence who is our main character in the Fall who in contrast almost seems overly conscious. I found these two fellows to be interesting foils to one another, and I wish we would have discussed that in class. A lot of the class discussion centered around religious and it's place in the world of absurdity. I saw the discussion going in another direction and was really hoping to talk more about this one theme: do we do good things because they make us feel good or because they make other people feel good? Clearly this isn't black and white and all of our actions having some degree of selfishness behind them...but it kept me thinking about what our intentions are when we “do a good deed” or do something nice for someone else. Is there such a thing as full-on selflessness?      Clamence seems to be addicted to helping people, or perhaps the perception that he believes his helping people conveys. There’s a point in the text where Clamence tips his hat to some blind men (knowing that they are blind) and this gives us the impression that in fact his kindness is really a public display as opposed to genuine or sincere. Clamence states as he reflects on this moment: "To whom was it addressed? To the public. After playing my part, I would take my bow". Following up on this theme of public displays of kindness for clout as opposed to humanity is reflected in his lack of drive to help the woman whom he hears “fall” off of the bridge…once he just walks away from the suicide he just technically witnessed…it is difficult for him to avoid his hypocrisy. This is a turning point in the story.      Post his ignorance to the woman’s suicide…Clamence’s lifestyle takes quite a turn and he went from being a reputable and well renowned man (and lawyer) to basically a drunkard…however his motives and “character” remain. Before the suicide incident he is constantly chasing this motivation to set an example for all of his fellow humans through shallow social interactions, and as the story continues and post suicide, he is simply a drunkard providing sincere yet still ego-driven advice on “humility.”      Another quote reads "too many people have decided to do without generosity in order to practice charity." This exemplifies that his motivation in good deeds and being generous is not for the person on the receiving end of the good deed…but rather for the public perception and reputation of the good-doer. I can relate to this, I have had certain people in my life who tell me that I “need to be more selfish” or I should consider putting my needs before other peoples’ sometimes…but often times my response (which can sometimes go misunderstood) is an effort to explain to someone the fulfillment that I get from doing that good deed. Perhaps not so much so for a public display but sometimes I feel I benefit just as much form being generous towards someone as the recipient of the generosity…which makes it a semi-selfish act, I suppose.      In general, throughout The Fall we are faced with societal social norm and the idea that it is difficult for a charitable person to do “good” without some sort of benefit coming from doing said charity. Think about how when donating or volunteering it is often made a very public display…corporate companies who host team bonding events where they volunteer…or sports teams who do the same, it is always heavily documented and publicized. We could argue that this documentation and publication of said acts is to simply spread the word and encourage others to follow suit, but generally it also shows our desire to let it be known when we’re doing something charitable.      How can one differentiate between doing good since it's the right thing and doing good because of how it makes them feel? That's the main question The Fall made me seek an answer to. 
The Myth of Sisyphus I found equally as riveting and I just find it so ironic and fascinating that something that was written so many years ago is still completely relevant today in (almost) 2020. It kind of drove the point home to me that these existential ideals are literally timeless and contemplating the meaning of life and our purpose as humans knows no bounds. We'll never have the answers, and most of us will continue to push our rocks up the mountain only for them to tumble down again. But we keep doing it. A whole lot of our lives are just monotonous...so what compels us to keep going? Through class discussion and hearing the debates arise about why we live our day-to-day-lives and what keeps us interested in or motivated to wake up again tomorrow and “do it all over again?” I came to the conclusion during class that it just comes down to the fact that we all attribute our own meaning to our own lives an that's really all that matters. For now that's how I feel and (of course) this idea and feeling of mine will probably be challenged many times throughout this class. A lot of my fellow classmates are a lot more well versed and informed about other branches of philosophy and their teachers and teachings so I've been delighted to hear the well-supported arguments of those around me in class. I think we learn a lot through comparing...and this is relatable on a personal level, meaning we learn about ourselves by comparing ourselves to others...and in addition comparing and contrasting helps our learning process, too. Someone brought up how Aristotle compares us to “tools” and how each tool has a purpose...but what is the meaning? For example, a hammer might have the purpose of helping you to construct or build a house...but what is the meaning behind that act? I’m really thankful the person who contributed that thought did so because I’ve been giving it a lot of thought ever since.      Overall I loved these readings and both groups did a great job in presenting, and the one group that made the rap music video really had me laughing and appreciating their hard work and ability to use the content in a creative way. I wish we would have unpacked more of a diverse set of themes and ideas from these readings instead of centering the discussion so much around religion – but that's just my opinion.
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